Ketchup is God's man juice
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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