Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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