She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
