I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
