Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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