Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
