I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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