She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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