im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
