Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
