My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
