My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
