I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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