One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
