Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
