I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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