Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
