Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Randomize
