Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
