before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
