Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Randomize
