I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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