There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I am available for nakedness
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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