why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Randomize
