Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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