I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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