No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
