so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
