Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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