He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
