Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
