im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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