O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
