How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I licked your asshole in confidence.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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