stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
