I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
