Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I have feelings that need drinking.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
