Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(239): View more from Florida

I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers

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(585): View more from New York

She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back

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(695): View more from

it was like a congratulatory penis slap

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(503): View more from Oregon

Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.

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(802): View more from Vermont

You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers

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(516): View more from New York

I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.

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(607): View more from New York

Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME

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(709): View more from Newfndlnd, Labradr

Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day

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