Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
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