Where is the hickey?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Dicks are not precious.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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