I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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