So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
