Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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