I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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