Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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