I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Randomize
