Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I'm like, not good at living.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
