I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
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