i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize
