Non-Jews are for practice
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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