Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
